Slowing down

My weeks are flying by faster and faster. Normally, I would not be opposed to this.

However, May is the month I’ve been waiting for since September. There was a moment when the school year started that I realized something was not quite right.

As teachers, May is full of testing, field trips, and Memorial Day. Where’s the teaching? Exactly. It is our break and reward for making it that far. So how come the earlier months drag and this one appears to fly?

I’m trying desperately to slow down. Remain in the present. Enjoy my last month.

But the anticipation of what June and July have in store can feel overwhelming. I am looking forward to the summer, but the reality is setting in. There is no summer vacation. In deciding to not be a part of academia for the first time in (how old was I in pre-school? 4?) 22 years, I surrendered my beloved summer vacations.

As the weeks roll onwards, even faster than I’ve felt weeks pass before, I am trying to laugh, reflect, and smile more with my students. I wish I could follow myself around with a video camera for a few days because as memories of my high school experiences and college days start to be more increasingly difficult to recall, I wonder if the same will be said for teaching.

Nothing has impacted me the way that teaching has. Nothing.

I’ve started and ended many posts this week, attempting to make some wise conclusion, an analysis, and trying to tie it all neatly with a bow. But, I am going to stop here and let myself chew on those thoughts above for a little. The reality is that the effect that teaching has had on me cannot be tied up neatly. I feel it would be a disservice to attempt to do so.

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